Transgender people are banned from serving in the US armed forces, yet an estimated 12,800 do, the vast majority in secret. Jane, a master sergeant in the Air Force, has hidden her gender identity from the military for 25 years. She hopes a policy review announced last year will allow her finally to be herself.
Jane likes to run early in the morning, really early, when the light is thin and the overnight air is still cool. A little before 5am she pulls on a light pink jersey, tucks her hair under an old US Air Force cap and heads out into the quiet, pre-dawn streets. When she runs she can forget for an hour what others think of her. She can let her mind wander and lose itself in thoughts of the future. And there's a lot to think about, she is getting ready for her life to change.
Jane is waiting for the day she can finally tell the Air Force that she's transgender. Assigned male at birth, she has served her country for 25 years as a man. She has flown in every major conflict since the first Gulf War and earned medal after medal along the way. And she loves her job, she calls it an "honour and a privilege". But it has forced her to live a double life.
There are an estimated 12,800 transgender people serving in the US military, in violation of Defense Instruction 6130.03, which prohibits what it calls "psychosexual conditions". The Department of Defense announced in October it would review the regulation and a small number of transgender service members have since come out. A handful are even openly undergoing hormone therapy. But the rules are applied inconsistently from unit to unit and thousands continue to hide their identities.
If Jane's commanders were to find out she had received treatment from a civilian doctor she would be instantly grounded, she says. She agreed to speak to the BBC on condition that the nature of her treatment, as well as her real name, were not published. But changes to her body are becoming harder and harder to disguise and her efforts to cover them up more and more exhausting.
Off base, Jane is free to live and dress as she likes, with the caveat that she avoids anywhere she might run into a colleague. On base, she has to wear a man's uniform, maintain a regulation men's hairstyle and use the men's toilet.
She longs for the day she can be open with her colleagues. She longs to have the surgery that will complete her transition. But until the military changes its regulations both remain out of reach. "I don't know how much longer I can hold it back," she says. "I don't know how strong I can be."
Jane likes to run early in the morning, really early, when the light is thin and the overnight air is still cool. A little before 5am she pulls on a light pink jersey, tucks her hair under an old US Air Force cap and heads out into the quiet, pre-dawn streets. When she runs she can forget for an hour what others think of her. She can let her mind wander and lose itself in thoughts of the future. And there's a lot to think about, she is getting ready for her life to change.
Jane is waiting for the day she can finally tell the Air Force that she's transgender. Assigned male at birth, she has served her country for 25 years as a man. She has flown in every major conflict since the first Gulf War and earned medal after medal along the way. And she loves her job, she calls it an "honour and a privilege". But it has forced her to live a double life.
There are an estimated 12,800 transgender people serving in the US military, in violation of Defense Instruction 6130.03, which prohibits what it calls "psychosexual conditions". The Department of Defense announced in October it would review the regulation and a small number of transgender service members have since come out. A handful are even openly undergoing hormone therapy. But the rules are applied inconsistently from unit to unit and thousands continue to hide their identities.
If Jane's commanders were to find out she had received treatment from a civilian doctor she would be instantly grounded, she says. She agreed to speak to the BBC on condition that the nature of her treatment, as well as her real name, were not published. But changes to her body are becoming harder and harder to disguise and her efforts to cover them up more and more exhausting.
Off base, Jane is free to live and dress as she likes, with the caveat that she avoids anywhere she might run into a colleague. On base, she has to wear a man's uniform, maintain a regulation men's hairstyle and use the men's toilet.
She longs for the day she can be open with her colleagues. She longs to have the surgery that will complete her transition. But until the military changes its regulations both remain out of reach. "I don't know how much longer I can hold it back," she says. "I don't know how strong I can be."